Thoughts about Covid-19

I'm currently at my boyfriend's house trekking through this virus we call Covid-19
I have not left the dining room table for 4 days straight lol
Lots of online shopping has been done, and feeling like days have been repeating.
Although going on daily walks has definitely helped.

They say things will get worse before they get better, China has started to recover but they went by very strict guidelines. You were not allowed to leave your house without a paper saying you can walk the streets.
Here we are still able to go to Dunkin Donuts drive through, go to grocery stores, post office, and other necessities. We are seeing a pattern similar to Italy if we don't make more restrictions.

Here's a chart of how things are right now and how they potentially will be in the future. It's the worse around May 22nd. It shows 3 months of social distancing compared to China's style of a lockdown and the outcomes of it.

I have a great summer job I'm looking forward to and will be moving on property, I know we will probably end up moving later on in the summer which is sad but things happen and you can't really prevent it.

Anyways, I'll see you in my next post.

Goodbye

I see your smile as I close my eyes
you're in the warmth of my family around me
I find you in the things you once enjoyed
and the memories I hold so dearly

I once shed tears of regret
but now I will shed tears of happiness
as I laugh with my brother and dad
rolling through the mountainous new Hampshire roads
and walking through the Vermont streets with family.
while you are gone
you left a legacy of giggles and happy moments
I'll see your smile as I laugh with cousins
and bond with my aunts.
while you may not be here
and oh I will miss you so deeply and dearly
I thank you for everything you have done for me
and everyone around me
you gave me a loving family to call home
to give me peace of mind
and know I'm not alone.

The Search for Inspiration

As I sit here in an empty study room in my university, I had so many thoughts dwindling it was hard for me to focus on homework. Actually, I had been thinking a lot today in particular about this subject.

How do we live a fulfilled life? what does that mean to us? What makes us happy and what makes us get out of bed in the morning, with such excitement that we just can't wait to start our day?
A friend recently told me she was moving to Ohio, a place I've never been but the thought excited me. She found someone she connected with and thought it was a choice she wanted to make in the upcoming year.
I began thinking, where I'm living right now hasn't been inspiring me lately. Don't get me wrong, I love living in a place where the seasons are changing, each beautiful summer transforms into a bright and lively fall. Air feels crisp and the smell after it rains is so sweet. But the nights are longer than days, and I can feel my body reacting in a negative way. Suddenly I don't have the same motivation and energy I had during the summer.
Granted, I'm only 23 but the thought of visiting a new place with new people and new challenges is exciting and inspiring.
Who knows where I'll be a year from now, and maybe I will be in a new state.
But why do I feel the need to move? Do any of you feel this way?
To pick up everything you own, pack it into your car, and be on the road by tomorrow at sunrise?
Is it the physical act of moving that excites us, or are we trying to run away from our problems?

It's an interesting thought, one I'll probably be contemplating a while. But what does it mean to live a fulfilling life where I am right now? What does that mean to us? and what makes us happy each and every day?

For me I feel like a fulfilling life means surrounding myself with friends and family, laughing so hard tears stream down my eyes. It means helping others in a way that is meaningful, that really impacts them in a positive way. It means being creative, having the time to connect with other creative individuals and create something that's beautiful. It means being stimulated intellectually, because most likely when I'm feeling uninspired it means I'm not stimulating myself.
I'm still working on all the aspects I've mentioned, I think everyone is. But what I'd like you all to think about is what does it mean to live a fulfilling life to you?
Start with your current situation, where you are right now. And just think about what that means to you, I hope you take something away from this post and I hope it made you think about what it means to be truly happy.
I hope you all have a great evening:)

Friendship

How do we find true friends? What are your friendships like? Have they changed over time? mine have.

When I was younger, I thought your best friend was someone who you knew the longest. Someone you've known since birth and because you both shared life's earliest memories, it meant they would be in your life forever. I thought that if you shared identical interests, you were meant to be best friends. Oh how times have changed since those days.

I had one friend who I grew up with. She was my best friend, someone who always made me laugh until I cried. We shared the same music interests and hobbies. We would hangout almost every day and our families were close. We shared memories of growing up and figuring out puberty. It was an incredibly awkward time, but it was nice to have someone going through all the same things, I could always trust her and lean on her.
Although as we hit our early teens, things changed. Honestly we grew apart, and it was the first time I truly felt sad. It hit me hard but I knew our friendship just wouldn't work out. She wasn't the friend I needed, and being the young naive me that I was, I trusted anyone and everyone. It was the first lesson I learned that sometimes when you give, you don't always receive.

As I grew older and went into my college years I partied an awful lot. I gained so many friends and it was incredibly fun while it lasted. I'd get out of class by four, eat dinner by six, and party until dawn. But after a while it got old for me, I wouldn't want to drink all the time. Suddenly my friends started to dwindle. Then when summer came around and I traveled back home, very few friends texted me. It suddenly dawned on me that some people will build friendships based on convenience. I wasn't a couple doors down anymore, and because of this some people made the decision that the friendship wasn't worth the effort. But that's not to throw shade at anyone, people decide who they feel the strongest connections with and will decide upon that who they will continue to be friends with no matter the distance, or other obstacles that may happen.

in my personal opinion, friendship is about give and take. But it's also about having a strong connection with someone.

When I came back to school a year later, I found a friend who I had known for years but hadn't really gotten close to. As our friendship grew I saw just how much she cared for me, and went out of her way to help me with anything I needed. We just got each other and had similar mindsets. We grew so close over just one semester and I just felt like I had known her my whole life. We went through a lot together and I didn't give up on her, it was a friendship that was all about building each other up and just spreading positive vibes. I realized my idea of friendship has changed since I was little. It's not about sharing the same identical interests or knowing someone the longest, it's about being there for each other. Through this crazy life we need someone on our team, someone to build us up and take care of us when we're down. True friendship is rare and when you find it, hold onto it with everything you have. Call them to catch up, send them a text and show how much you care. Never take someones friendship for granted, always wake up thankful for what you have every day.

I am beyond thankful for the group of friends I have, I feel like I finally have a group of confidence, caring, intelligent, beautiful girls and it took me a while to get here. But I'm so happy for the friends I now have.

Have a great Thursday! until next time:)

Understanding People

First of all, hello all! It's been quite a while since I've written in this blog. Honestly I forgot about it for a while.

I'm coming back to you with a post about understanding people. How can we pick up on what others are thinking? what they are feeling? and how to communicate our ideas effectively to others?

Just like anyone else, I've learned with age how to pick up on people. It's such a basic instinct if you let yourself feel the emotions and feelings of others. Silently watching as you notice body language, eye contact, and speech. It's amazing once you decide to hide yourself in an imaginary cabinet and looking forward to the person in front of you. Asking questions in your head such as, "what struggles have they faced today?" "Do they have any demons they are hiding?" "how do they perceive themselves?"
Living with an outlook of love and compassion for others; loving your enemies, now that's hard to do.
But here's why its important: it gives yourself peace.
Although I believe there is a limit, when someone in your life is causing constant pain. It's okay to let them go. When all they do is bring hardship, it's okay to step away. I think many people hold onto relationships or friendships because they love them, they would do anything for them, and believe that love means never giving up. There's a fine line to walk with those statements, and at the end of the day you have to decide for yourself, what is your limit? But more importantly, are you giving more than your receiving in this relationship?
It doesn't make you less of a person, it doesn't make you weak, and it sure as hell doesn't make you a lousy relationship partner or friend! There is only so much you can give before it starts to affect you both physically and emotionally. In other words, it's okay to walk away.


Communicating with others involves understanding others body languages, their facial expressions, and basically nonverbal communication.
Another point is understanding what is behind their words.
Whether their trying to hide their hurt, their disappointment, or their sadness. To maybe hiding their embarrassment, their anxiety, or their impatience. It may take a while but if you train your mind to look into other peoples worlds, you'll be surprised what you can uncover.

The act of understanding people can be hard but with experience, dialing in on the emotions of others, and serving to help others. You can be surprised by how it can enrich your life, and provide a peaceful mind not only for yourself but for the people around you.

Have a great Saturday, stay safe and until next time!

People's Perception Of You

                           A year ago I took part in a TV show called Maine Music Hangouts. I was the executive producer with my dad being the assistant producer for the show. We spent most of our time filming at a quaint coffee shop tucked into a historical town on the coast of Maine. We would record live open mic nights and interviews afterwards. From the time I spent working on the show and interacting with musicians I came across a funny little observation: You can become most anyone if your a good enough actor. 

You see, all the big language I just used was in essence just fancy words for: My cousin had a camcorder, I had an idea, and we made a deal where I would record shows and he'd edit them in his apartment for a small active audience of 100 people. The capacity of the channel reached about 1,000 people, but since it was in a very small town with not so many people watching the local cable show, we really didn't have a big enough audience to capture a few second glances while walking down streets or possible recording deals for the musicians who appeared on the show. But we faked it, and people really responded to it. 

The saying "fake it til you make it" has never been so true in my eyes. No we weren't intentionally trying to fool people or appear as scams, but I find it important that when you start anything professionally: your appearance, the way you talk, the way you hold yourself, is #1 in the books. Performance and diligence comes second. 

What if I walked into that coffee shop with jeans and a stained t-shirt and offered my proposal of a TV show saying something like "I mean, I was kinda thinking about doing a show here. It wouldn't really offer anything big to you guys but I just had a lot of free time so I thought why not. Whaddaya say?" They wouldn't have taken me seriously and they probably wouldn't find any benefit in letting me film there. 

So I found it very interesting that if you present yourself like an executive producer, and hold yourself to those standards, people take you seriously. 

I had people come up to me and treat me in a way that was so different, somebody who had authority and power. I even had a couple musicians come up to me and make it a point to make a lot of conversation with me on the account that I had a basic clip board and the fact I was standing behind a camera with headphones. They asked if I'd take their email, and if I'd look up their work on youtube. 

When really they had no idea I came home, got in my sweats, and watched gossip girl for the next 5 hours. The fact I spent 4 hours with my best friend dressing up in prom dresses and took pictures outside cause we were bored. The fact I was your basic 19 year old girl with boy issues and friend drama. But because I said I was the "executive producer for Maine Music Hangouts" I became someone entirely different.

Being the young 19 year old that I was meant that it took a lot to gain respect from older people though. While my dad and I never had experience in entertainment or film, they would turn to my dad most times to gain information about the show, ask questions, and exchange contacts. Some of them seemed a bit surprised when they realized that my dad was only the assistant and I was in fact the producer. It was a struggle but I learned a lot that helped me grow. My entire experience taught me two lessons that I found were important as I move forward in film, business, as well as life in general:

1. People's perception of you, is determined by you.

2. Don't let age hold you back from accomplishing your dreams

I could of let the idea that they thought my dad was in charge cripple me, and I could of decided to just wait until I'm older to try a project like this again. But then I realized that I made it this far because I was able to carry myself in a way that made others believe in me and that was all the motivation I needed to keep going. 

US Road Trip!

Thats right guys! I may be going on a US Road Trip this summer!

I've wanted to travel forever and I actually think plans will work out! I think this summer is definitely going to be the busiest summer I've ever had.

I will vlog it all on my channel KickinItWithJess for anyone whos interested in our shenanigans:)

I decided to make a rough outline of what I'd like to see:

I'm most excited to see San Francisco, the Pacific Ocean and the Golden Gate Bridge:)